Bad(ass) Mommy

Honestly, sometimes I feel like my kids are seeing past my super mommy facade to view the self conscious wallflower 12 year old that would do just about anything to get someone to like her...they see right through it! The "you aren't my mommy anymore"s and the "you are despicable"s, as much as I try to ignore them, get to me sometimes. I have tried my own way of dealing with mean things my kids say in a moment of anger. We all say awful things we really mean in the moment but have no weight on our true feelings overall. Sometimes it is just too much. We went out for our library's weekly story time (they have 9 story times...awesome...but we only go to one because it is the same book all week long with a craft to follow), lunch out and an errand. Our errand consisted of us buying fabric for Ruby's new duvet cover because I severely underestimated how much we need yesterday. Of course while the lady cut our 4.25 yards of fabric Elvis just HAD to go to the bathroom. We left the fabric behind with all intentions of picking it up after our pitstop. After a 20 minute bathroom visit (you know those visits where you keep asking "are you done?") our way back to the fabric department had way too many distractions. Ruby first wanted to look at the girly room wall decor. We didn't pick anything up. The next thing caught my eye. We stopped at the poster prints since I have been on an all out mission to turn this apartment into a home complete with strategic placement of art and photos on the walls. I need something for the kitchen, and bathroom, and hallway, and... You get the point. While I perused the prints I was met with a barrage of anger filled exclamations from my five year old...only to be repeated by my three year old. The last straw was when they began to throw a bouncy ball at my butt, or so I thought that was the last straw. As I lead them out of the store without their loot and minus the bouncy ball, Ruby SPIT on me. THAT was the last straw. I bought nothing and took them directly out of the store. This is how I used to do things, but I've gotten soft. I had to keep myself from getting supplies to finish the projects I had started because those projects Ruby would benefit from and she deserved no benefits at that moment. I really want to finish the lantern I've planned on for months, but who is that lantern for? Ruby. I really want to finish the duvet, but who is it for? The girl that spit on me in public, no less. I know she shouldn't have done it anywhere, but we have made a great distinction between public and private with our kids. Let's admit it...it is worse for the victim and more deviously satisfying for the aggressor in PUBLIC! It felt good to follow my own advice, but now I'm home wishing I had my materials to finish my projects. I've had other mommy's ask me, "but what if what you need to take away from your kid is something you want too?" I guess we all have to make the decision what will be more valuable in the long run? Teaching your little one the right lesson or getting something you want? You'll teach them a lesson either way so it might as well be one that shapes a person you actually want to be around in the future.